To my blogging friends, do you ever write something for your blog and then ask yourself, “What’s the point of this anyway? Why would anyone really care? Why even bother to BLOG?“. Sometimes the piece I’m writing gets so long and complicated, and I play with the words so much that the whole thing becomes bedraggled, and I think to myself “Why even post it?” “WHY EVEN HAVE A STUPID BLOG!?”
One of my yoga teachers was always harping on me that I am too hard on myself and that I am my own worst critic. This may be true indeed, but at the same time she was telling me this, she was pushing me to exceed my own self-perceived limitations. She was one of the most challenging teachers I’ve ever had. It was a conundrum for me – how to push through without harming myself or others in the process.
This blog is cathartic for me. It pushes me past my perceived limitations in the same way my teacher did, and allows me to examine my life in new and interesting ways. In the meantime, it may provide a little entertainment for others, or better yet, help them to see something in a new light, or allow them to get to know me a little more deeply.
My boyfriend, being a tech-savvy sort of fellow and a statistics fan, likes to look at my stats page, and talks about things like “search engine optimization” (that’s SEO to you!). He also mapped out my page, so the “crawlers” can find words on it for search engines (I think I got that right). Now I get hits from people who do searches for things like “wonderful pigtails” and “daughter toe cleavage”. Yay.
After reading my first post “Birth of a Man” , my work-husband commented “Just make sure everything you post is of that quality!”. Sigh. I did like that first post, but how am I supposed to know if everything after is of that quality? I think it’s a matter of opinion!
At first I think a few people were a little nervous when I started posting…I am not always known for my candor or restraint in real life. But as I mentioned in another post “I’m Not Lisa! (and other reasons why I am blogging)”, it was rather painful to be a character in a friend’s memoir, and I don’t want to reveal anything about anyone that they don’t want revealed. These boundaries can be difficult to judge, I get that, but I’m not interested in hurting anyone in the process of my own public self-exploration.
For the past week I have been writing something about a good friend of mine, and a party she hosted last weekend. I have found it to be too long (I prefer shorter pieces for my blog), complicated, a bit boring, not funny enough, potentially crossing boundaries, and just overall, not my favorite blog post. But I’m gonna post the damned thing anyway. I’m tired of it, and after all, I am my own harshest critic.