you’re bloody right it was a bad night last night!

Last night was the third night in a row that I failed to sleep properly. (I know, isn’t this already shaping up to be a fascinating blog post?  Keep reading, it gets even more interesting!)  Two nights ago there was a super dramatic heat wave (3 days in a row over 80 degrees in Seattle) and I was TOO HOT TO SLEEP, and the night before that it could’ve possibly been that I wasn’t sleeping because SOMEONE WAS SNORING.   Last night it was because I was (heads up! time to stop reading if you are pathetically squeamish, have never been around a menstruating woman, or would rather read a nice blog post about baking or the Olympics.) BLEEDING.  That’s right, bleeding.  I am in the middle of an epic menstrual period.  You know, menstruation, that thing that half of the world’s population does at one time or another in their life span…

Even though I work in a primary care clinic with a FABULOUS doctor who has helped me through this and other traumatic periods in various ways (how many woman are lucky enough to say that they can whisper to their male co-worker without shame or trepidation that they need to go change their pants in the middle of the work day?), I have never met a gynecologist who has offered me any substantial help with this issue.  It seems that whenever something unusual happens with my flow, the solution is to suggest that I would be a good candidate for a costly “procedure” such as a hysterectomy.  Surgery and or removing body parts is a last resort for me, thank you very much.  I do not relish the thought of a robot chopping up my uterus and dragging it out through my vagina.  Yes, that IS what they do now.  “Really…”, the gynecologist said, “…it’s no big deal these days…”  That’s what she said to me. To which I responded, “Oh, so you had it done?”, to which she sheepishly confessed as she handed me the name of a surgeon, “Well, no I haven’t, but that’s what I hear.”  Mmmmm hmmm.

I would like to be able to tell you that as a result of this god-awful downpour of blood from my uterus, I feel more womanly, or that I am honored by mother nature’s bounty, or that it’s my “moon-time” and I’m going to a quiet tent, or a spa, or lodge where ladies go to lounge around during this special time.  But in reality, I need to go to work and perform other functions of daily life, such as staying dressed in clothing that is not covered with blood.

Dealing with that much blood vacating one’s own body does NOT feel natural, and is not enjoyable in the least for me, especially since those mother$!?%* at Johnson and Johnson decided to pull the only tampon from their product line worth a damn, the OB ULTRA, for those of us women with a hearty flow. Now, these tampons have become collector’s items!  I kid you not.  Look it up on E-bay.  You can buy them for as much as $80 a box!

Seen on E-bay “ORIGINAL – OB ULTRA TAMPONS – 40 COUNT – NEW UNOPENED BOX – Very Hard to Find”

This might sound overly dramatic, but the inability to purchase these tampons has been a rather huge inconvenience in my life and I MOURN the loss of them (but not enough to buy them on e-Bay).  I even joined an “I want my OB Ultras” support group on Facebook where we mourn and rage together.  Rumor has it they are coming back, but I haven’t seen them on the shelves yet.  I hope that the (undoubtedly) male executive who made that fateful and insensitive decision to pull the Ultra, is forced to go out in the middle of the night on a regular basis to hunt for a suitable menstrual product for his wife, AND to change their sheets when he gets home.  Karma’s a bitch and so is a woman without the right tampon.


22 thoughts on “you’re bloody right it was a bad night last night!

  1. I have had the same lack of empathy from my gynecologist. Her recommendation? Wear black underwear and buy floral sheets with lots of red and brown hues. Thanks a lot!

  2. I am fearfully reluctant to mention that it only gets worse as menopause gets closer. I am wondering if a pad might not be the solution for nocturnal menstruation. I have a friend who has had to resort to DEPENDS to get her through the night.

    If I am elected Queen of the World feminine hygiene products will be FREE.

    • Not obnoxious at all..I was actually looking at the website as I was reading this, but was uncertain as to whether they had to be purchased on-line…or could be purchased in a local store…

  3. Pingback: It’s my bloggy and I’ll write about my period if I want to! or “Don’t be a Sharer-Hater” « misslisted

  4. I had some periods from hell as well. In high school cramps would make me sick and put me in bed for the first day. After I had my second daughter, I got to a point a couple years later that I couldn’t walk long without pain, you know, “DOWN THERE”. Sorry. Too much of a stupid book. It IS awkward to say “My crotch hurts like someone hit me with a hammer. Mind if I sit down a spell?” They did dozens of tests but could only find a slight prolapse. I had my uterus taken out right after my 30th birthday. They did it abdominally because it was enlarged, so yes they do still do it that way. Took six weeks of recovery, but honestly, I have felt SO MUCH better in the six years since I had the surgery. Not trying to persuade you or anything, but I was terrified of having to do it and it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

    And yes, we SHOULD be able to freaking talk about our periods. It burns me that men who hold high office will still act like children about something that, hello, allows us to birth dopes like them. Honestly. Oh, and your tags for the post were absolutely hilarious.

    • Hi!

      Thanks for the note! I agree with all of what you said. AND, laughing at your “down there” comment…thanks for noticing my tags! I worked hard on those and I cracked MYSELF writing all of them down. -Chris

  5. I LOVE to write about menstrual blood. I appreciate your posts in which you talk about talking about taboos. If you read my blog, you’ll find a lot of info about my struggles with over-bleeding and what I have tried. Some women breeze through peri-menopause, but I am not one of them.

    I think the taboos about talking about menopause are breaking down because our generation is full of answer-seekers and take-chargers.

    YOU GO misslisted! I, for one, support you!

    • Thanks Twinkly! When I was browsing in your blog I noticed you mentioning your bleeding and anemia…it’s a big part of my life, my uterus is like a terrorist right now, I never know what it’s going to do next! I think I will post some more on it sometime…

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